matociquala: (cat and mouse)
I am finally in that stage of missing the Complaint Department where pictures of other people's cats just kill me.

And it's a particularly fine cat day on the internets.
matociquala: (cat and mouse)
Maeve turned back again from the north when she had remained there for a fortnight, ravaging the province, and when she had fought a battle against Findmór the wife of Celtchar mac Uthidir. After the destruction of Dún Sobairche in the territory of Dál Riada against Findmór she carried off fifty women captives. Wherever in Cuib Maeve planted her horsewhip is named Bile Maeva. Every ford and every hill by which she spent the night is named Áth Maeva and Dindgna Maeva.

--Táin Bó Cúalnge Recension 1

Yeah, I knew what I was getting into when I named her.

Complaint Department: DEITY! This CLOUD is not SOFT ENOUGH! Your cloud is better. Move over, or I shall sleep on your hair with my butt on your nose.

Here's to fifteen pounds of evil in an eight-pound cat.

IMG_0257  IMG_0347

20090406 007  20090406 012
matociquala: (cat and mouse)
We have an answer on the Complaint Department. The most likely diagnosis is small-cell lymphoma, and I am not putting a seventeen-year-old cat through a biopsy just to prove it.

So at this point what we're going to do is give her a whole bunch of prednisone and IV nutrients and make her comfortable at home for as long as it's not cruel to do so. Which could be overnight, and it could be a couple of months. We'll see.

I know she has a lot of friends and fans out there in the Internets, and I wish I had better news for you all, but at least she gets to sleep in her own bed tonight.

Thank you all so much for your support and good wishes the past week or so. It's been very much appreciated.

The good news is, the Giant Ridiculous Dog went for a walk today, and is doing much better. 
matociquala: (cat and mouse)
Things are not looking good for the Complaint Department, guys. She's not bouncing back this time, and we're going to have to make a decision tonight or tomorrow unless she rallies. The only nutrition we can get into her right now is intravenously, and she's started expressing significant discomfort.

I'm really sorry the news isn't better.

Comments off not because I don't appreciate the sympathy, but because, right now, I'm this far from falling apart and I need to keep it together until the cat doesn't need me to any more, one way or the other.
matociquala: (cat and mouse)
Back to the vet this morning. Cat disimproving again.

Not the best week ever.
matociquala: (problem cat)
Cat vs. Monkey: back in the vet clinic again

dateline: 10:00 am Monday morning, after a sleepless night for everybody...

Monkey: Well, here we are in the exam room waiting for the vet.
Professional Dog Breeder Related To The Monkey, Along For Moral Support And Because The Vets Know Her By Name (PDBRTTMAFMSABTVKHBN): I don't wait well.
Complaint Department: [For once in her life, is not feeling well enough to comment]

*door opens*

That Nice Dr. Malm: ...
Monkey: This is the Complaint Department. She currently really does have something to complain about.
That Nice Dr. Malm: Karen*, that's a cat.
Monkey: She's the only one.
(PDBRTTMAFMSABTVKHBN): We like a little variety. Don't worry, there are still nine Briards at home.
That Nice Dr. Malm: Thank goodness. For a moment I was worried. Now, she's having vomiting and diarrhea?
Complaint Department: I'm sure it's something that Monkey did wrong.
Monkey: And she's dehydrated. I'm worried about a gastric obstruction: she was acting like she had a hairball, but... nothing.
That Nice Dr. Malm: Well, if she's passing stuff through, she's probably not obstructed. Normally, we'd see no stool at all under those conditions. But there's a lot of other issues it could be, and I want to prepare you: some are fairly serious.
Monkey: ...we know.
Complaint Department: Monkey, are you really going to permit this person to lay hands upon me?
That Nice Dr. Malm: Well, her abdomen feels pretty good. No masses. Let's do a film and some bloodwork.

[a film and some bloodwork are carried out offstage, amid protestations and demands to Unhand Me, You Varlet!]

That Nice Dr. Malm: Well, here's her x-ray. As you can see, there's nothing visible on it that shouldn't be. And we'd be able to see any problems; this cat is... very clean inside right now. No signs of cancer or any obstruction.

[audible sighs of relief from everybody except the cat.]

Complaint Department: How would you like it if I talked about your bowels on the internet?
That Nice Dr. Malm: So I'd say, pending bloodwork, we've got a nonspecific gastritis or inflammatory bowel disease going on here. We'll keep her overnight for fluids.
(PDBRTTMAFMSABTVKHBN): "What's this outline here?"
That Nice Dr. Malm: That's intestinal gas inflating her colon. And this little bubble over here--That's a fart.
Complaint Department: I never.
Monkey: Could have fooled me.

*(PDBRTTMAFMSABTVKHBN)'s name is Karen, if you could not figure that out.
matociquala: (atc)
So the latest pudge report milestone is cut for people who find exercise and food talk triggery )

In potentially less trigger news, "Governess," my story for the Datlow/Windling anthology Queen Victoria's Book of Spells has been submitted and accepted (on time and everything!), I've sold reprint rights to "Tideline" to a Prime Books anthology entitled Robots: the recent A.I. (Which also has Aliette de Bodard and Rochita Cloenen Ruiz and Catherynne Valente in it, among others), and my brain is still pretty much post-novel mush, so I'm reading a lot and brushing my poor matted shedding dog--who is back to having all four feet, and I will spare you the gory details of a cyst draining, except to say it's a hell of a lot nicer than an abscess draining.

Oh, and I'm working on a Cat Vs. Monkey post, and may have an announcement on that front soonish...
matociquala: (cat and mouse)
Good news!

We have a diagnosis--the Complaint Department apparently has something to really complain about, as she's having an outbreak of some form of IBD, which should be (hopefully) transient, and she can come home tomorrow.

I'm going to go have a good cry of relief now.
matociquala: (cat and mouse)

Well, the good news is that the presumptuous cat does not have a GI obstruction or any masses in her abdomen that are obvious on x-ray. The bad news is she's hospitalized overnight for tests, I.V. fluids, and observation, as she's lost over a pound (she's down to a little over six pounds; she's a tiny kitty, but this is ridiculous) and she's obviously Not Well.

So we're waiting to find out, basically.

Cross your fingers for her. She's the Complaint Department, but she's nearly seventeen, and there are probably limits to the invulnerability conferred by even her attitude.

matociquala: (cat and mouse)

Well... the three-legged dog is less three-legged and seems to be on the road to recovery, and now I am worried about the presumptuous cat, as she appears to be struggling with what must be rather a large hairball and not having a lot of luck with it. She does this to me every couple of years, and every time I'm sure that this is the one that will require emergency surgery.


And of course the book that was supposed to come out this month has been delayed to March, and various other agencies have been slow with contracts or with contracted payments.

I can't afford another medical crisis right now, cat. Hork the damned thing up, please...

Oh, the fucking financial misadventures of the writing life.

matociquala: (comics invisibles king mob)

c. 2:47 am, Saturday 5 November 2011

Complaint Department: yowl?

c. 2:49 am, Saturday 5 November 2011

Complaint Department: yowl?

c. 2:52 am, Saturday 5 November 2011

Complaint Department: yowl!

c. 2:53 am, Saturday 5 November 2011


Monkey: Grruh? Guh? Hnnnnh? ZOMG, Cat, what is that racket? Is the night on fire?
Complaint Department: Monkey! MONKEYMONKEYMONKEY! Did you know the acoustics in this bathroom are fantastic?!
Monkey: I wish I were dead. Scratch that, I wish I were deaf. Scratch that, I wish you were deaf.
Complaint Department: Surely you can't have forgotten that deaf white cat we used to live with. And how loud he was?
Monkey: ....
Complaint Department: Well?
Monkey: Your point.
Complaint Department: *smug* Anyway. As I was saying--*clears throat*--I think this bathtub is the perfect place for an aria!
Monkey: *suffocates self with pillows*

matociquala: (sf sapphire and steel kiss (darkness))
The cats are refining their murder attempts.

This afternoon's subtlety: a fur mousy left right behind the door at the bottom of the stairs, so when I opened it as I descended, the door jammed and I stepped off the staircase right into the door.
matociquala: (cat and mouse)
Morning Cat Face  2010 08 14 002

Wish a happy 16th birthday (observed*) to the Presumptuous Cat, Internets!

*She showed up on my back steps starving and dying of distemper as a 4-6 month old kitten in September of 1995. So every year, we guess.

It's worked out rather well for her, all things considered.
matociquala: (problem cat)
Monkey: Um. Cat?
Complaint Department: *mysteriously absent*
Monkey: Why is there a hairball in my bed?
Complaint Department: *curiously elsewhere*
Monkey: Why is there a hairball in my bed, between the sheets?
Complaint Department: *nowhere to be found*
Monkey: Cat, if you're unwell, perhaps we need to go to the vet. Seriously. This hairball!
Complaint Department: It's spring. I'm shedding.
Monkey: In my bed!
Complaint Department: I didn't feel good. It was a very large hairball.
Monkey: Between the SHEETS!
Complaint Department: The kitten tucked me in. Besides, it was time you changed the sheets anyway.
Monkey: I just changed them last week.
Complaint Department: You're not the only one who sleeps in this bed, you know.
Monkey: Trust me. I know.
Complaint Department: ...
Monkey: I don't love you anymore.
Complaint Department: You were never worthy of me anyway.

hairball roulette
matociquala: (cat and mouse)

Complaint Department: Are you up? Because the food in my bowl has been there since last night. It might be poison.
Monkey: I'm allegedly working.
Complaint Department: You should get up and give me new food.
Monkey: You could come back to bed and snuggle.
Complaint Department: What if I sit on the book case beside the bed (my bed, which I generously allow you to use) and practice walking across your shoulders? 
Monkey: If you put your claws in my soft milky-white flesh, I will scream. And that will be stressful for both of us.
Complaint Department: You should get up. If you get up (and give me new food) you can do yoga and start the bread. Mmmm, bread.
Monkey: Mmmm, brea-- Hey. I saw what you did there.
Complaint Department: What if I put my paws on your arm adorably?
Monkey: If you put your claws in my soft milky-white flesh...
Complaint Department: Yeah, yeah. Scream, stressful. It's after 8. Get up.You're not working, you're reading news from Japan.
Monkey: They have cats in Japan.
Complaint Department: Was that a threat? Because it was a lame one.
Monkey: Like the bit with your paws on my arm?
Complaint Department: That one wasn't empty. *stares*
Monkey: *uneasy*
Complaint Department: *stares*
Monkey: "All right, all right, I'm up. I should do yoga anyway."
Complaint Department: *purrs*

matociquala: (cat and mouse)
Distilled Feline Evil February 2011 003

I awakened this morning with the Complaint Department combing my hair with her claws.

She's not even subtle in her threats anymore.

I think her disciple must now be known not at the Fearless Kjitten, but as a VLO (Very Large Object).
matociquala: (cat and mouse)


MONKEY is climbing the stairs with a plate of cheese and crackers and a cup of tea. Monkey is wearing pajamas and a bathrobe.




MONKEY spots COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT on bed, snuggled up with a stuffed cat. Quietly, MONKEY retreats to hallway.



MONKEY gestures to OTHER MONKEY, beckoning her into the bedroom.





OTHER MONKEY: "That's adorable."
OTHER MONKEY: "I'm sorry. Of course you're not adorable. You're evil. The adorable is just a disguise."
MONKEY: "You know her so well."


December 2010 003

Yes. I'm even evil when I'm hugging your stuffed cat.

Merry December Non-Denominational Gift-Giving Day to all, and to all an Evil Cat!
matociquala: (cat and mouse)
Complaint Department: Monkey? Are you... packing?
Monkey: I am. I'm going away for a week.
Complaint Department: But there are things all over the bed.
Monkey: I know. I will put them in the suitcase as soon as you get your furry butt off them.
Complaint Department: But now the bed is uncomfortable!
Monkey: That's because you are sleeping on my hairbrush.
Complaint Department: And your toothpaste. And some pill bottles.
Monkey: *sigh*
Complaint Department: *licks monkey's arm*
Monkey: Excuse me?
Complaint Department: *licks monkey's wrist*
Monkey: Is this a gentle reminder that the food bowl is empty?
Complaint Department: *licks monkey's toes*
Monkey: Ack! We do not negotiate with terrorists!
Complaint Department: Technically, this is extortion. It's a common mistake.
Monkey: ...there's food in your bowl. There has been all along.
Complaint Department: Made you look.
Monkey: At least you're off my hairbrush.
Fearless Kjitten: Hey! The bed is lumpy!
matociquala: (cat and mouse)
Complaint Department: Hey! Big clumsy monkey! Watch your butt!
Monkey: Ooops. Sorry. I was attempting to sit beside you, but you have a devious tail.
Complaint Department: Devious tail? Are you mocking my disability?
Monkey: Devious tail syndrome?
Complaint Department: It deeply affects my quality of life!
Monkey: Watch it. If you chase me out of bed entirely, you won't have anything warm to sleep on at all.
Conplaint Department: Details. Hey, fill up your water glass. I stole it all while you were sleeping.
matociquala: (hustle micket con is on)
Complaint Department: Monkey, are you up?
Monkey: Despite the fact that you are walking on my hand and my hair and face, no.
Complaint Department: Monkey, are you dead?
Fearless Kjitten: Ooo, if she's dead, can I eat her?
Monkey: Not dead. Can't eat me. I'm sleeping in half an hour. Back off.
Complaint Department: You clock radio is making noise.
Monkey: I know. I'm  listening to it.
Complaint Department: But the sun is up.
Monkey: I know. I'm not getting up yet.
Complaint Department: YOU MIGHT BE DEAD!
Monkey: Really, not dead, you little monster.
Complaint Department: But it's time to get up!
Monkey: How can you tell?
Complaint Department: Because the big hand is on the thingy and the little hand is on the other thingy.
Monkey: It's a digital clock.
Complaint Department: Oh, bother.
Monkey: *gloats*
Complaint Department: Anyway, the clock of MAH BELLEH says it's time to GET UP.
Monkey: Why is there no snooze button on a cat?
Complaint Department: Institute Plan  B.
Fearless Kjitten: *pushes things off taller things with resounding crashes*
Monkey: *grumbling, gets up*
Complaint Department: Today, my young apprentice, you have made me proud.

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